Neon Genesis Evangelion: Some Jokes Never Age
by Author0fntent
Summary: In which the 1st and 2nd Children find themselves unexpectedly falling into a classic comedy routine.


*Boilerplate: I own nothing of Gainax, or of the estates of Bud n' Lou.*

_Another day of school for the three EVA pilots. Another day of tedium (barring any Angel attacks). However, the student body was about to recieve quite the laugh for the day-and it all started when Hikari recruited Asuka and Rei for a duty neither of them expected..._

Asuka: "I can't believe Hikari lulled us into managing the school softball team. The nerve! She may be my best friend, but sometimes I wonder...Oh well, least I'm somewhat in charge, AS I SHOULD BE."

Rei: "How very odd."

Asuka: "What's odd?"

Rei: "The roster for the softball team has some very peculiar and short names."

Asuka: "Nicknames?"

Rei: "Not really, just mostly short names."

Asuka: "Whatever, as long as they've got their field positions set. What's the layout?"

Rei: "According to the roster and the corresponding base positions, Hu's on first, Watt's on second, Iduno's on third..."

Asuka: "That's what I want to find out."

Rei: "Hu's on first, Watt's on second, Iduno's on third..."

Asuka: "Look, wondergirl-you're co-managing with me, right?"

Rei: "Yes."

Asuka: "And you don't even know the players' names?"

Rei: "I should."

Asuka: "Well then, who's on first?"

Rei: "Yes."

Asuka: "I mean the girl's name."

Rei: "Hu."

Asuka: "The girl on first."

Rei: "Hu."

Asuka: "The first base girl."

Rei: "Hu."

_Shinji, Toji and Kensuke, who happened to be walking in the hallway at the time, caught some of the conversation within earshot. Toji gave Kensuke a nudge to start filming, having gotten a pretty good idea of where this conversation's heading._

Asuka: "The girl playing..."

Rei: "Hu is on first."

Asuka: "I'm asking YOU who's on first."

Rei: "That is the girl's name."

Asuka: "That's who's name?"

Rei: "Yes."

Asuka: "Well, go ahead and tell me, First."

Rei: "That is it."

Asuka: "That's who?"

Rei: "Yes."

_A pause emerged, but didn't last for long._

Asuka: "Look, is there a first base girl?"

Rei: "Correct."

Asuka: "Who's playing first?"

Rei: "That is correct."

Asuka: "When you signal the first base girl, who gets the call?"

Rei: "That is correct."

Asuka: "All I'm trying to find out is the girl's name on first base."

Rei: "Hu."

Asuka: "The girl that gets..."

Rei: "That is it."

Asuka: "Who gets the signal..."

Rei: "She does, as per the strategy. Sometimes she will follow the pitcher's lead."

Asuka: "Who follows the pitcher?"

Rei: "Yes."

_Another pause emerged, but again was short-lived._

Rei: "Is something the matter with that statement?"

Asuka: "Look, all I wanna know is when you signal the first base girl, how does she signal back?"

Rei: "Hu."

Asuka: "The girl."

Rei: "Hu."

Asuka: "How does she signal..."

Rei: "That is how she signals back."

Asuka: "Who?"

Rei: "Yes."

_Yet another pause ensues, and again doesn't last long._

Asuka: "Look, First, all I'm trying to find out is what's the girl's name on first base."

Rei: "Incorrect. Watt is on second base."

Asuka: "I'm not asking you who's on second."

Rei: "Hu's on first."

Asuka: "Hey, one base at a time!"

Rei: "Then don't change the players around."

Asuka: "I'm not changing anybody, _dumkopf_!"

Rei: "Please calm down, Pilot Sohryu."

Asuka: "I'm only asking you, who's the girl on first base?"

Rei: "That is correct."

Asuka: "You sure?"

Rei: "I am sure."

_Yet ANOTHER short-lived pause ensues. The two EVA pilots, for the most part, were unaware of both Kensuke's filming AND the slowly-growing audience in the hallway as they conversed._

Asuka: "What's the girl's name on first base?"

Rei: "No. Watt is on second."

Asuka: "I'm not asking you who's on second."

Rei: "Hu is on first."

Asuka: "I dunno."

Rei: "She is on third base, we're not talking about her."

Asuka: "How the hell did I get on third base?"

Rei: "When you mentioned her name."

Asuka: "If I mentioned the third base girl's name, who'd I say is playing third?"

Rei: "Incorrect. Hu is playing first."

Asuka: "What's on first?"

Rei: "Watt's on second."

Asuka: "I dunno."

Rei: "She's on third."

Asuka: "How am I on third again?!"

_Yet again, another short-lived pause. The 'audience' grew to include a few curious teachers._

Asuka: "Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it?"

Rei: "Certainly, what do you want to know?"

Asuka: "Now who's playing third base?"

Rei: "Why do you insist on putting Hu on third base?"

Asuka: "What am I putting on third?"

Rei: "Incorrect. Watt is on second."

Asuka: "You don't want WHO on second?"

Rei: "Hu is on first."

Asuka: "I dunno."

Rei & Asuka:"Third base!"

_Another minute, another short pause._

Asuka: "Moving on, do we have an outfield?"

Rei: "That is correct."

Asuka: "And the left fielder's name?"

Rei: "Wai."

Asuka: "I'm asking you."

Rei: "And I am answering you."

Asuka: "Then tell me who's playing left field."

Rei: "Hu's playing first."

Asuka: "Oh for the love of-stay out of the infield! I wanna know what's the girl's name in left field!"

Rei: "Incorrect, Watt is on second."

Asuka: "I'm not asking you who's on second!"

Rei: "Hu is on first."

Asuka: "I dunno."

Rei & Asuka: "Third base!"

_Seven short pauses. That had to have been a record. (One easily broken.)_

Asuka: "The left fielder's name?"

Rei: "Wai."

Asuka: "Because!

Rei (glancing down at the checklist): "Bikaas? She is center field."

Yep. Record broken. Who knows how many more times...

Asuka (fingers holding the bridge of her nose): "Look, do we have a pitcher on this team?"

Rei: "Affirmative."

Asuka: "The pitcher's name?"

Rei: "Tamara."

Asuka: "You don't wanna tell me today?"

Rei: "I am telling you now."

Asuka: "Then do it already!"

Rei: "Tamara."

Asuka: "What time?"

Rei: "Time?"

Asuka: "What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?"

Rei: "I remind you, Hu is not pitching."

Asuka: "Rrrrr-I'll kick the _schisse_ out of you if you say who's on first! I wanna know what's the pitcher's name!"

Rei: "Watt is on second."

Asuka: "I dunno!"

Rei & Asuka: "Third base!"

_The ninth pause. Boy, these pauses come faster than an Angel makes landfall._

Asuka: *SIGH* "Is there a catcher?"

Rei: "Certainly."

Asuka: "The catcher's name?"

Rei: "Todai."

Asuka: "Todai, and Tamara's pitching."

Rei: "Correct."

Asuka: "Huh, a couple of days on the team."

_The tenth. Sheesh, they're starting to multiply like rabbits._

Asuka: "You know, I'm an excellent catcher too."

Rei: "I have heard."

Asuka: "I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tamara's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter comes up. Now the heavy hitter hits the ball. When she hits the ball, and since I'm an excellent catcher, I'm gonna throw the girl out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

Rei: "That is a very sensible thing you've said."

Asuka: "Are you kidding? I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

_Eleven. I swear someone here's going to make this a drinking game._

Rei: "That is all you are required to do."

Asuka: "To throw the ball to first base."

Rei: "Yes."

Asuka: "Now who's got it?"

Rei: "Affirmative."

_A dozen. We've reached a dozen. Can it get any better from here?_

Asuka: "Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?"

Rei: "Affirmative."

Asuka: "Who?"

Rei: "Affirmative."

Asuka: "Affirmative?"

Rei: "Affirmative."

Asuka: "So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Affirmative?"

Rei: "Incorrect, you throw the ball to Hu."

Asuka: "Affirmative."

Rei: "That is different."

Asuka: "But that's what I said."

Rei: "You are not saying it."

Asuka: "I throw the ball to Affirmative."

Rei: "You throw it to Hu."

Asuka: "Affirmative."

Rei: "That is correct."

Asuka: "That's what I said!"

Rei: "You asked me."

Asuka: "I throw the ball to who?"

Rei: "Affirmative."

Asuka: "Now you ask me."

Rei: "You throw the ball to Hu?"

Asuka: "Affirmative!"

Rei: "That is correct."

Asuka (clearly getting steamed): "OF COURSE IT IS! It's the same as you, you doll! SAME-AS-YOU! I throw the ball to Hu. Whoever it is drops the ball and the girl runs to second. Hu picks up the ball and throws it to Watt. Watt throws it to Iduno. Iduno throws it back to Tamara, giving us a triple play! Another girl gets up and hits a long fly ball to Bikaas. Wai? Iduno! She's on third, and I don't care!"

Rei: "What was that?"

Asuka: "I said I don't care!"

Rei: "Idun Kerr? Oh yes, that's our shortstop."

_Asuka, upon hearing that, finally did something she had been resisting the urge to the entire time she and Rei were talking-she facepalmed in utter bewilderment. It was then that she and Rei finally noticed the large group of onlookers that had gathered around them the entire time, resulting in a moment of silence. A moment broken a minute later by, according to Asuka and Rei's standards, the unlikeliest of sounds they had ever heard: Shinji laughing. HARD. Unfortunately, that laughter proved to be contagious, as soon Kensuke and Toji doubled over laughing, arms clutching their sides. Soon the whole crowd erupted into a cacophony of laughter, mixed in with some applause. Asuka and Rei just stood there, wide-eyed at what was happening. Finally, Rei spoke:_

Rei: "Pilot Sohryu?"

Asuka: "What?"

Rei: "I believe we should take a bow."

Asuka: "WHAT? Why?...Oh, hell with it..."

_Asuka and Rei then proceeded to take their bows, despite not really knowing what they did to deserve them._


End file.
